@jimmytorosian: What idiot called it "leaving right after sex" and not "nuts and bolts"?
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@TheThomason: Do I have a plan for the zombie apocalypse? I don't even have a battery in my smoke detector, and fire is real.
@BuckyIsotope: Just did my taxes. Put $420.69 on every line and 5 IRS agents just showed up at my door with a keg, 3 strippers and giant foam fingers.
@KirillWasHere: If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.
@RockKraller: I swear...I think restaurants with drive thru's identify the dumbest employee and say "here, you get to wear the headset"