@jimmytorosian: What idiot called it "leaving right after sex" and not "nuts and bolts"?
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@hazelmotes1: Mom: *tastefully decorates house* Kid: HERE ARE 20 MILK CARTONS I TAPED TOGETHER TO MAKE A SNOWMAN I EXPECT THIS TO BE PROMINENTLY DISPLAYED
@Brampersandon_: BOUNCER: *checking ID* this doesn't look like you CATERPILLAR: *adjusts makeshift wings* its me B: oh yeah? Fly then C: uh *starts sweating*
@ddsmidt: I imagine if I had a job doing manual labor, I'd be in great shape. Then I do 15 minutes of manual labor and reality comes back into focus.