@little_hansel: What idiot called it Oktoberfest instead of Octo-Bar?
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@FXTVaddict: Me: I asked the waitress for diet Coke and she thought I said rum and Coke. Boss: 5 times? Me: Yeah I guess. B: ..... M: HR again?
@KeetPotato: [on phone to gf] her: "you never understand me anymore so.." me: "so what?" her: "we're breaking up" me: "i can hear you fine"
@tastefactory: Die Hard (1988):A cop stops terrorists in a building Therapist:Sounds cool but lets discuss how ur parents named u the title/year of a movie
@ParanoidParker: When you're in the shower, and you hear loud thumps and you think "THEY'RE KILLING MY FAMILY, AND I'LL HAVE TO FIGHT THE ATTACKER NAKED"