@ABurgerADay: What idiot called it the road to Bethlehem instead of the highway to the manger zone?
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@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old: *spreads arms wide* I love you this much. Me: Aw. 5: *spreads arms even wider* But I'd love you this much if we had a pool.
@LionJenkins: I imagine colonoscopies are accompanied by the theme music from the underground level of Super Mario Bros.
@tchrquotes: Me: I ate all the chips. Wife: What!? For the boys' lunches!? Well, at least we still have cheeze its. Me: You're not going to believe this