@STOTLE: What idiot called it the toaster and not the tanning bread?
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@2tickytacky: Mom made me take Millie to the prom. With her dark hair and big, brown eyes, I didn't argue. Horseshoes can sure wreck a gymnasium floor.
@De_ja_vu_who: Deathbed confession Me: We're bankrupt Him: What? How? Me: I lied about being able to fold fitted sheets. I bought new ones every time
@hellominamoo: I'm going to take all of your tweets that make absolutely zero sense and combine them to make a Red Hot Chili Peppers song