@punmagnate: What idiot called them astronomers and not skyentists
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@Jandalize: Ever accidentally turn off your alarm instead of hitting the snooze button and wake up two days later?
@Underchilde: I opened Twitter at a red light once, and when I looked up, a week had passed and I was sitting in police impound.
@fro_vo: [dollar store] ME: how much are your dollars CLERK: a dollar ME: okay I’ll take one dollar CLERK: that’ll be one dollar ME: thanks CLERK: have a nice day