@daemonic3: What idiot called them atheists instead of non-parishables?
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@Brampersandon_: INTERVIEWER: this says u work well with otters. Did u mean others? ME (shoving a romp of otters back into my briefcase): haha yeah of course
@krustythe_klown: I'm gonna hang a Batman outfit in my closet to screw with me when I get Alzheimer's
@ChribHibble: The best thing about alcohol hand gel in hospitals isn't the hygiene, but that everyone walks around like they're hatching a dastardly plan.