@StevieKnip: What idiot called them dog tags instead of collar ID
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@TheToddWilliams: Prince Charming: I will awaken her with love's sweet ki-- Sleeping Beauty: five more minutes
@weinerdog4life: Note to self: Take Mila Kunis picture off of vacuum before taking it in for service next time.
@shutupmikeginn: friend: Are you eating a whole frozen pizza by yourself? me: It was on sale for $4 friend: I wasnt asking because I thought it was expensive
@samLM68: How to enjoy babies: 1 Hold them 2 Kiss them 3 Hand them back to their mom 4 Go have drinks with grown ups 5 Laugh about not having a baby