@Home_Halfway: What idiot decided to call them meteorologists and not Storm Troopers
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@skylerhanrath: Mike: Mom! We're out of burrito paper! Mom: Dammit Mike, they're tortillas. You're twenty six.
@Sassafrantz: Relationship Status: I ate 7 bananas trying to get the new guy at work to notice me.
@stephenjmolloy: Me: "I'd like to pay by card." Waiter: "Contactless?" Me: "No, you can cuddle me."
@taitutu: Phone rang for the 1st time in 4 months. My reaction was similar to finding a dead mouse on my porch. I circled it & poked it with a stick.