@Home_Halfway: What idiot decided to call them meteorologists and not Storm Troopers
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@joci2203: Him: How many glasses of wine have you had today? Me: One, but it was in the shape of a giant bottle.
@goodersuk74: I got a new stick of deoderant. Instructions said: 'remove cap & push up bottom'. I can barely walk but when I fart the room smells lovely
@Donnie_Fairburn: [Police sketch artist job interview] "How am I not qualified?" Your resume is a stick figure and a poorly drawn igloo "It's a cat actually"