@the_paramedicK: What idiot named her Miley Cyrus' grandma and not Nana Montana.
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@TweetPotato314: Date: *opening apt door* This is where the murder happens. Me: OMG, what!? Date: Sorry, magic happens. Haha, I confuse those two. Me: Phew. Date: *locking door behind us* and now to magic you!
@TheBoydP: *Wife sends me a link* *I click on link* *Buy whatever's at the link* *wait for delivery* ~Christmas shopping for my wife
@T_Bonezzz_: Approx 4,500yrs ago men would wake up everyday to build the great pyramid. I got up this morning with anxiety about unloading the dishwasher
@awesomeseank: Anyone who shows up late to work, wearing shades and clutching a Gatorade is about to tell a lie.