@the_paramedicK: What idiot named her Miley Cyrus' grandma and not Nana Montana.
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@noog: After spending the last week stealing cars and killing people I just found out GTA had missions.
@Prof_Hinkley: I was doing CPR on a co-worker for 5 minutes before someone told me that's just how she laughs
@david8hughes: [parole hearing] "What will u do if released?" "Kill everyone on the jury." "What?" "Buy everyone jewellery." "Aw. Granted."
@BruceForce: I mainly get my exercise by awkwardly running to doors when people hold them open for me