@crylenol: What idiot named him Spider-Man instead of Peter Parkour?
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@Sarcasticsapien: Even though my dad is a Trump supporter I let him borrow my car because I'm a good person. I mean, I'm going to report it stolen, but still.
@Brampersandon_: Loan me a couple bucks? "Sure" *throws 2 huge deer carcasses on counter* Dude where did u get those? "..." Can I even pay with these?
@CulturedRuffian: I almost cut my finger off cutting some celery to eat and all I could think is this never happens with cupcakes.
@SoVeryBritish: Trains delayed due to: - Wrong kind of sun - Ominous cloud - Slightly damp leaf - Chilly track - Suspicious gravel - Sarcastic swan