@RatCasket: what idiot named it Mail Order Bride instead of Male Order Bride?
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@junkyardigan: I opened a bottle of wine to let it breathe. It didn't. So I gave it mouth to mouth.
@bobvulfov: [hunting] DAD: dont scare him ME: did u know we dump 16 tons of sewage into our waters every minute DEER: holy shit DAD: what did i just say
@charliedelta7: McD's drive thru: Welcome back. Me: Welcome back? That's pretty presumptuous. MDT: ... M: ... MDT: The usual? Me: Yeah. Thanks Brenda.
@defdanielle: there are naturally attractive people and then there are people like me who take pictures from good angles with the right lighting