@michaeljhudson: What idiot named it the English Channel instead of the BB Sea
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@merican_ninjy: Pro tip: when a cop asks you to step out of the car, don't reply with "I'm too drunk, you get in."
@CrazyUncIeJoe: How girls put on their pants: *Left leg*, *Right leg*, '' Wiggle*, *Wiggle*, *twerk*, *Jump*, *Jump*, *Squat*, *Stretch* Done.
@ilovepie84: "Jesus take the wheel" -an Asian man telling the police that a Mexican guy stole his rims off his Honda Civic.