@jonnysun: what idot labeled all the orange juice labels w/ "no pulp" insted of "pulp fiction"
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@philco816: There is no way Hollywood could remake Scream for millennials because, none of them would answer the phone.
@MarfSalvador: [Valentine's Day] Me: I got you a bunch of flowers GF: Thanks Me: There were loads just by the roadside. Got you a teddy and a candle too
@Bagyants: All police should quit, just to teach us a lesson. We'll beg them to beat and gas us, but they'll be like nope, you didn't appreciate it
@LizHackett: "Why don't you have kids yet?" is a great question, ma'am, but I'm saving that conversation for the right total stranger at this gym.