@Skullcat: What if ants aren't insects at all but are vehicles that even smaller insects drive to work?
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@Breadery: I scream. You scream. We all scream. This fancy wine bars toilet gender signs were unclear.
@ericsshadow: [undercover FBI agent steps out of his surveillance van, knocks on my front door] do you ever stop eating?
@FinnMcIver: I recently bought one of those Dutch ovens, but everything I cook ends up tasting like farts.
@NurseSeymour: FYI fellas: if u wake up with some chick and u can't remember her name, take her to Starbucks. They'll write her name on the cup for ya!