@Michael_Erhart: What if balloons take over and start twisting us into animal shapes?
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@chairmanMAO_92: This hot girl asked me to recommend some music so i said Pink Floyd, she said "I didn't know Pink used her last name as well" Now she's dead
@coryrichardson_: [at wife's office party] wife: don't show anybody your tattoo of ratatouille me: [to her boss, immediately] wanna see my ratattooie
@ashmensch: *entire building at my work loses power* *I run all the way to Linda's office* Remember when you said light up shoes were a dumb idea?
@waydybee: whenever someone i know introduces me to someone else i say, "oh, this is the one u were talking about" &watch the awkward stares!