@Tylerosis: What if bananas turn black and bruised because they run their own fight club when we're not around?
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@Mi_SSbehaved: My son touched my leg & said "so soft!" Then he asked for his IPad back & I gave it to him. Girls aren't exactly rocket science, guys.
@bingowings14: Snail cop: So tell me about the sloth that attacked you. Snail: It all happened so fast.
@weinerdog4life: When one door closes another door opens, pretty sure my house is haunted, I sleep on the porch