@Tylerosis: What if bananas turn black and bruised because they run their own fight club when we're not around?
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@MissBamantha: Overheard a girl just say she's full because she ate at 3:00. It's 6:00. How can you stay full for THREE HOURS, alien?
@david8hughes: [fancy restaurant] Me: do you have orange cat food? Wife [whispers to waiter]: he means lasagna
@daisysunshine90: I need a man, not a boy. They will have much more structurally sound ideas for me to bypass the lava floor and make it to the blanket fort.