@Jandalize: What if Capri Suns became self-aware and started stabbing us back?
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@orange_rhymer: Cashier: how old r u? Me:*holding beer nervously* uuh 21 Cashier:*shaking his head sadly as he pulls Trix out of my cart* Trix are for kids.
@Bluestmoon_: When someone shows you they don't want to be a part of your life, let them go. I'm not saying you can't make a voodoo doll of them, though.
@Sarcasticsapien: Coworker: Are you seeing anyone? Me: Unfortunately. CW: Then why are you dating her? Me: No, I meant you're standing in front of me.
@kiel_phillips: INTERVIEWER: So, do you have any questions for me? ME: What's the Wi-Fi password? I: About the job M: What is the company Wi-fi password?