@duplicitron: What if firemen acted like policemen and just drove around shooting water at anyone who looked like they might catch on fire.
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@GrandadJFreeman: *painting your nails* one hand : perfect. other hand : looks like a blind cat did it.
@stephenjmolloy: *dog comes up to me* "I think he likes me!" Cop: "We are going to search you for drugs now."
@david8hughes: So my dog's pregnant & she's never been in contact with another dog & I'm having a lot of accusations thrown my way.
@DadandBuried: You'll never know how creative you really are until you need to start lying to your kids.