@samknight1: What if global warming *is* a hoax and we clean up our air and oceans, create millions of jobs, and become energy independent for nothing?
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@panmidwest: [roadtrip] ME: I need a bathroom break FRIEND: no stops for 2 hours, use that Gatorade bottle ME: um…ok...now how am I supposed to wipe?
@Papa_Mex: I bet Vegans that become zombies must really struggle with the whole brain-eating lifestyle...
@vineyille: [screaming over sirens] I SAID ACTUALLY YOU'RE NOT "FIGHTING" THE FIRE YOU'RE WATERING IT
@bromanconsul: GIRL NEARBY: I'm breaking up with you, Kevin. You don't talk about Pokemon enough. [I sit up straight and frantically try smoothing my hair]