@samknight1: What if global warming *is* a hoax and we clean up our air and oceans, create millions of jobs, and become energy independent for nothing?
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@CVTBaby: Him: Can you forgive me? *mental montage of me trying to figure out who this guy is* Me: Yes, but I'm really hurt so please give me time.
@TheEighthKnight: Making fun of someone you're angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car, instead
@FattMernandez: For my niece's 7th birthday, I'm filling a pinata with a smaller pinata. When she breaks it open I'm gonna yell "Oh God! She was pregnant!"
@ieatanddrink: Dating tip: Girls love mysterious guys. For example, tell her "Im a lawyer.Or AM I?" then hum the Twilight Zone theme and turn into an eagle