@ilikeyouguys: What if gravity...was invented by the vacuum industry so there was always shit on the floor to clean up. Just hear me out tho.
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@GABBYdaAngSaya: Me: I think we need to break up Her: Now is not a good time Me: Okay *we ride the rollercoaster in silence*
@ericsshadow: [Target intercom] "Would the parent of a 9 y/o named Jack please pick up your son at security. We've told u for weeks this isn't a daycare."
@Storminika: Every time Nicki Minaj tells someone their voice isn't good enough on Idols, someone is crushed to death by the weight of the irony.