@BuckyIsotope: What if Harambe was shot by a time traveler trying to prevent Planet of the Apes
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@VestaTot: There's a little girl's voice that sings lullabies in my guest room closet but don't mind her; she died years ago. Here's your blanket.
@SergioValenCo: I hope I die doing something extreme like climbing Mt. Everest or telling a woman I don't like her new haircut.
@TheTweetOfGod: "Scientology" is a combination of "scient-," meaning "science," and "-ology," meaning "science." And it just gets stupider from there.
@Reverend_Scott: THIS IS THE POLICE. COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP. "Wrong house guys." ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT? "Yup, happens a lot." OKAY COOL, SORRY.