@SHOWERTHlNKING: What if Harry Potter was dreaming for seven years because he ran headfirst into a wall at a train station?
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@Owl_Meat: [highspeed chase] ANCIENT GREEK COP: Damn they're getting away *turns on Siren* [several nearby ships are lured to their doom]
@JennyJohnsonHi5: "Yeah, well your dog isn't a rescue, your snacks are processed and everyone knows you're vaccinated" - how a kid talks shit in 2015
@Dawn_M_: Trees put cats in their hair so they can flirt with firefighters when they climb up them.
@buttgh0st: [following girl off elevator] you cant hate snakes and then say u love dragons, because theyre actually extremely similar. in a lot of mytho