@shashaintl: What if I never *dramatic pause* sleep *dramatic pause* a- *falls asleep during third dramatic pause*
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@Blonde4Dayz: The truck in front of me is hauling a fridge. Freezer just flew open and a chicken nugget hit my windshield. Day. Made.
@KevinFarzad: MATH Q: 5 friends wanna split a $50 dinner. But Josh wants a separate check bc his thing was $2 less. Really, Josh? This is y nobody likes u
@hazelmotes1: This venomous snake is pretty scary. What can we do to make it even scarier? Put a toy for babies on its tail. YES