@LizHackett: "What if I took the dumbest person I know, got them severely drunk, and challenged them to finish my sentences?" -- inventor of Autocorrect
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@bwebster76: Do people who use handkerchiefs know they don't have to hang on to the things that come out of their nose?
@LaziestCanine: A fish's Google search history: - do fish have short term memory? - do fish have short term memory? - do fish have short term memory?
@captainolya: My week is basically: Monday Monday #2 Monday #3 Monday #4 Friday Saturday Pre-Monday
@_AlanGarner_: My homework brings all the Asians to the yard, And they're like "It wasn't that hard."