@famouscrab: what if in airbud they put the dog in and they didnt win that coach would feel stupid
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@SteveSuckington: If you tell me I can only have sex with your sister over your dead body, your funeral is going to be awkward for some of your family.
@undeadmolly: I deliberately mispronounce 'quinoa' and then adjust the server's tip according to how condescending they are when they correct me.
@heidi420x: Not to brag, but I parallel parked without hitting anything, taking 15 mins, or winding up on the sidewalk. No cars were around, but still.
@Sean_Burgundy_: It's so frustrating when your hitman doesn't answer the phone after you've made amends with someone