@MrSpoonicorn: what if plants could talk but they are still in shock from seeing the dinosaurs
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@LosLos__: My parenting book would be just a series of "Shhh" with different lengths and punctuation for various occasions.
@nPhelendriqal: A buddy gave me some of his pee in a jar so I could pass a drug screen. I failed, which is weird, cause I drank ALL of it.
@causticbob: GF: "I'm telling you now! Size does not matter, it doesn't make you any less important." BF: "Yeah? Well explain that to Pluto."
@samalmightysam: Women can detect even the smallest of lies, but on TV they tell them they can lose 20 pounds in 5 days and they believe it all.