@MaritalFauxPas: What if sun screen is really just a seasoning rub created by aliens.
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@rockymomax: [in hell journal day 211] I've asked if it was hot in here 932 times in 211 days. the dark lord is angry but he has nowhere else to send me
@stephenjmolloy: [Man starts having a heart attack on a United flight] Attendant: "Is there a doctor on board?" Ian: "I'm a-" *gets dragged off the flight*
@bulls_horns: 1. Pour milk on floor. 2. Ask which kid did it. 3. Send them to their rooms when they don't admit it. 4. Enjoy peaceful evening.