@MaritalFauxPas: What if sun screen is really just a seasoning rub created by aliens.
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@girlontapas: Am I capable of premeditated murder? Your honor, I've been planning my cheat day for two weeks.
@jonnysun: there was a girl on tv show who was crying sayin "i miss america" and it was real sad until someone corected her grammar and gave her a sash
@brokeymcpoverty: reasons white people riot: 1. their sports team wins 2. their sports team loses 3. no more tickle me elmos 4. tea 5. pumpkins