@MaritalFauxPas: What if sun screen is really just a seasoning rub created by aliens.
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@neerjagurnani: The best way to refuse a credit card telemarketer is to tell them you're unemployed. Guarantees them hanging up within seconds.
@Bob_Janke: I was wearing a jean jacket yesterday and a little kid asked me why I made a jacket out of pants and I had no good answer for him
@TheQuietPsycho: I get caught zipping my pants up while standing beside the turkey just one time, and suddenly she never needs help in the kitchen anymore
@copymama: My 7yo said if she ever gets married she wants to have a pajama-themed wedding, and I feel like my parenting has come to fruition.