@suntzufuntzu: "What if Waldo finds me first?" I ask naively. Grandma closes the book; the blood drains from her face. "Don't let that happen," she warns.
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@bombsydoll: girl at work scraped the frosting off her cake because there was 'too much' & it was 'too sweet' so I ate her frosting & then I ate her
@BoutCrazed: Hey Febreze, I don't go around with garbage in my car, but if nobody could tell I just smoked a joint in there, I might buy some.
@david8hughes: [phone rings] "Is your refrigerator running?" *looks over at fridge holding a lighter up to a spoon* "I don't know what he's doing anymore."