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@holypurgatory: What If When You Die They Ask You
"How Was Heaven?"
@ilovepie84: Whenever I see someone with spider web tattoos on their elbows I spray them with Raid and attempt to flush them down the toilet.
@NYC_Blonde: Why procrastinate today when you can procrastinate tomorrow?
@ShittyComedian: I was having sex with this woman for 10 minutes before I realized it was a man, and then for like 20 minutes after.
@DanMentos: I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve visited Chernobyl… it’s 14
@BisleyT: Mispronouncing words is kind of my forty