@nice_mustard: what if you thought you had met your soul mate but then you saw them put mayonnaise on a hotdog
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@KeetPotato: [me and some other dude wearing the same shirt at a party] me: "how did we both fit in this lmao"
@wittwitbarista: Lose something? Need help? Call 1-800-MOM & a team of moms will be deployed to you to ask you "Well, did you look?"Or "did you look-look?"
@WilliamAder: Discovered that my wife can talk to me THROUGH THE SPEAKERS OF MY NEW CAR so I'm returning it.