@peachesanscream: What if your dog speaks French and this whole time has been asking you for some beef?
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@Schmoodles: A WASP LANDED ON MY BARE FOOT AND NOW I KNOW HOW TO RIVERDANCE.
@camel_racer: *Goes to the store* *Buys donughts, doughnut holes, and glue*
@Mikecanrant: I like having fun with strangers in elevators by slowly moving my finger towards the emergency stop button while maintaining eye contact.
@jamitupin: The question is not what am I doing in your house, the question is why are you home from work early?
@noteverytula: The Proclaimers walked 500 miles without a Fitbit?
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