@peachesanscream: What if your dog speaks French and this whole time has been asking you for some beef?
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@WowYoureFunny: If the doorbell rings, its normal to drop, shimmy across the floor, press your body to the wall & not breath till the person is gone, right?
@TimJohnish: "I see that you're wearing a black shirt, so I'm going to be extra affectionate today." -Cats
@truegritrumble: (At My Funeral) FRIEND: Of course he found a way to avoid paying me back my $20. ME: *muted snickering from the casket*