@JimmerThatisAll: This day in history. 1924. Franz Kafka died after a surrealistically charged life which should have its own adjective. Kafkastic? Kafkable?

@Rollinintheseat: The key to house hunting is knowing that the house is more afraid of you than you are of it.

@trevso_electric: "Everyone give us money in case something happens and when something happens we'll call you a liar." -insurance

@LeeryLeary: The fact that the British call math "maths" scares me, since the only thing more frightening than math is plural math.

@weismanjake: One of the toughest parts of adulthood is figuring out how to stay friends with people who post too many selfies