@jake_likes_naps: "WHAT IS IT? WHAT IS GOING ON? IS THAT RAIN? OH GOD I WISH I HAD EYES" - Worms
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@topaz_kell: Never trust a sweet talker.. They probably just want you to undo the zip ties so they can escape.
@MartaEffing: *sees person I know in a crowd* *waves enthusiastically* * realizes I don't know person* * changes enthusiastic wave to awkward fist pump*
@Sassafrantz: [date] Me: Are you a serial killer? You have to tell me if you are. Him: That's a cop. Me: Changing the subject, just like a serial killer
@TheMichaelRock: How are expecting to cure cancer when we as a society can't figure out how to merge into traffic correctly?