@hbreaker9999: What is this World Cup and can I drink from it?
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@panmidwest: ME: I still suck my thumb at night, yesterday I called my landlady "mom" JUDGE: you only have to tell the truth about questions you're asked
@beardofprey: last night my dog shit on the floor then at some point the Roomba came and smeared it all over the house :D
@tarashoe: a proper response to girl calling "amy?" in ladies bathroom wouldve been silence. but instead i yelled YOU WON'T FIND YOUR PRECIOUS AMY HERE
@KeetPotato: [undoes GFs bra first time] "wow have you been practicing?" don't be ridiculous [me and dog exchange glances]