@hbreaker9999: What is this World Cup and can I drink from it?
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@DaddyJew: *6 opens piggy bank* Me: wtf where'd you get all that? 6: mommy said I could take $1 out of your wallet each day bc you'd never know
@abbycohenwl: Woman: Ever since my mom passed, I think she’s watching over me Mom’s Ghost: Yeah, that is the kind of stupid thing you’d believe
@clindsaysway: Grandma used the same wrapping paper for 25 years, so don't tell me about the great 'bargain' you found.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: I used to give my co-workers nicknames based on their most dominant features, like 'Loves Abortions Brenda' or 'Eats Her Feelings Julie'.