@chadchaines: what jerk ever looked at a hamburger and thought "you know what this needs? A nice, soft, warm piece of lettuce."
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@xysist: Sex is great, yes but have you ever had water come out of your ear after it stayed there two days after swimming? OMG
@Douchekevin: My four year old planted 25¢ in the garden and said a money tree is going grow there. I laughed- but water it at night just in case
@Coolisiana: "Alright they've left for vacation lets rob em" Oh shoot their porch lights are on "So what we literally watched them leave" Rules are rules
@figgled: Things Women Over 30 Should Never Wear 1. exploding glove 2. ham sandwich 3. flaming fireplace 4. Dead bird helmet 6. shark eggs