@HitsBelowBelt: What kinda psychopath tries to get in touch with someone by calling them on the phone. What is this...1984?
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@DadandBuried: I thought toddlers were the most energetic, obsessive, and relentless people on earth. And then someone got mad at me on Facebook.
@nigelgodwin: I bought myself one of those "off road vehicles" last week... Paid $3000 for it, got it home and found out it was a Canoe!!!
@ericsshadow: [Target intercom] "Would the parent of a 9 y/o named Jack please pick up your son at security. We've told u for weeks this isn't a daycare."
@squirrel74wkgn: Wife: I told you to slow down. Cop: License & registration, please. Wife (opens glovebox): Divorce papers? Me: Look underneath them.