@omgthatspunny: What moisturiser do bullfighters use? Olay.
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@Pirate_nurse: It's 6 am and I've already referred to a patient as "the one with the tig ol biddies"...wonder what time HR gets here
@better_off_dad: *at the confessional Priest: .'..and do you repent? Do you plan to repeat these sins?' Me: 'You mean, like, ever?'
@BoogTweets: Me: *Buys nutribullet* will this baby take down a vegan? Cashier: No, it's not an actual bu… Me: *loads nutrigun* Cashier: What the heck?