@wolfpupy: what most people dont know is that you can use the trick or treat system to get large amounts of candy for free
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@InternetHippo: BOSS: You ok? ME: Yeah, why? BOSS: You have a sign that says “2 Days Without Being Annoyed” [maintaining eye contact, I change it to 0]
@stonedcoldlazy: Since Canada isn't making the penny anymore-did the price of a thought just go up to a nickel?
@NurseSeymour: Hooking up with your ex is a great way to reassure yourself that dying alone wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.
@JhonRules: Dammit I forgot my headphones and I'm at the airport wait here's some for 16 million dollars thank god.