@wolfpupy: what most people dont know is that you can use the trick or treat system to get large amounts of candy for free
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@AmishPornStar1: According to some "experts" called "doctors"... You can wake up without a hangover if you don't drink the night before. Whatever.
@leechee420: I thought about getting silk sheets to seem sexy, but then I realized nobody would be turned on by me falling out of bed 6 times a night.
@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: Let's go outside. 3-year-old: No! The deer will eat me. Wife: Deer don't eat people 3: The zombie ones do Wife: Get your dad. Now.
@fro_vo: Friend: what are u doing Me: training my pet rock Friend: that's dumb Pet Rock: *leaps from my hand & hits him in the face* Me: no rocky, no