@Hormonella: What North Korea really needs is a decent haircut.
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@Darlainky: Friend: Get anything for Valentine's Day? Me: Chocolate-covered strawberries and wine. Friend: Did you get him anything? Me: No, I spent all my money on my strawberries and wine.
@ryaninco: Me: I'll take another drink. Bartender: Would you like for me to call you a cab sir? Me: No it's cool he's driving * points at chair*
@Pumpkinbabypie: HB: *text* hey, what’s for dinner? Me: Roast Chicken. HB: cool, you need me to pick up anything on my way home? Me: yes, a roast chicken.