@Illiter8: What possible bit about trying to buy a large number of ice cream containers and two boxes of tampons says I want to chat you up, douchebag?
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@WoodyLuvsCoffee: STATUS: Using the flashlight on my phone to look for the keys that are in my hand so I can open my car cuz I think I left my phone in there.
@yendys1: Michael Cera, too timid to send his food back even though he's allergic to almonds, eats a meal and politely goes into anaphylactic shock.
@Biraahwa: Friend: Do you have a bird problem? Me: No. Friend: Why is there a scare crow in your compound. Me: Oh that? That's for people.