@michel_lesann: What psycho decided it was a good idea for kids to hunt for chocolate easter eggs right when the spring thaw reveals all the dog poop?
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@DarzieDAMN: If you're a girl on twitter and you have no pictures of yourself, I'm automatically assuming you're a cat that learned to use a computer.
@SortaBad: *practices like 1000 times in the mirror* [at Starbucks] "One grander none-fatty flaparinno" barista: ... "I'll try again tomorrow"
@themorris23: If Jesus came back today, hipsters would be like "whatever Jesus, the book was better."
@anerdonfire2: The downside of dating intelligent women is having to Google what they call you when it ends badly