@michel_lesann: What psycho decided it was a good idea for kids to hunt for chocolate easter eggs right when the spring thaw reveals all the dog poop?
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: Trump: 🎶 Do you wanna build a snowman? 🎶 Elsa: Who will pay for this snowman? Trump: 🎶 Ok byeee 🎶
@AbbyHasIssues: An old guy at the gym told me I looked like his late wife. I'm hoping he meant while she was alive.
@SonOfCha: Guy on SportsCenter just said Tiger Woods is "swinging a mean stick", so look out, ladies. He's back.
@Kimpulses: I've been reading your Oscar tweets, and America should not vote on things as a general rule going forward.