@Beatonm5: what sorcery is this? How does my VLC player know its christmas ????
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@elspetheastman: Avocado: not ripe Avocado: not ripe Avocado: not ripe Avocado: I'M RIPE NOW Avocado: okay you were in the bathroom so I rotted
@OneFunnyMummy: On bad days I like to take a pregnancy test to remind myself that things could be much worse.
@WorkingMom86: *at hostage negotiation class Prof: Let's go around and say why we're here Man: I joined the NYPD Woman: I'm in the FBI Me: I have a toddler
@MoistPork: My only fitness goal is to be able to lift an adult male, approximately the size of my husband, into the trunk of my car without help.