@PaperWash: What sort of drug abuse and debauchery has to occur in someone's life for them to start liking Charmin Toilet Paper on Facebook?
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@audipenny: Welcome to The News. Tonight's top story: you know that thing you love? It's terrible and you're terrible. Thanks,
@I_Am_Iron_Dad: Don't look at me like that, Barbie. We're both stuck in this playhouse. Just drink your tea. The toddler will tell us what to do next.
@bacon_gillepic: Me: Your cat looks pregnant Friend: Impossible it's an indoor cat Me: What have you done
@sammyrhodes: Sometimes I get mad about having to unload the dishwasher but then I remember a machine just washed my dishes for me.