@PaperWash: What sort of drug abuse and debauchery has to occur in someone's life for them to start liking Charmin Toilet Paper on Facebook?
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@TheMichaelRock: Me: Excited for the dance? 13yo: No, because you and mom will be there. Me: But I've been workin on my twerkin! 13yo: I need new parents.
@Jenn_H_Scott: It's okay, everyone. I know my 3yo's screams sound like his leg was run over by a lawn mower, but he's just got some fuzz stuck to his thumb
@InkedUpKidder: My fan has two settings: - Barely moving. - Could propel a hovercraft across the Everglades.
@ratamack: I want to date a girl who is willing to solve any disagreements with impromptu light-saber battles.