@PaperWash: What sort of drug abuse and debauchery has to occur in someone's life for them to start liking Charmin Toilet Paper on Facebook?
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@MatCro: [French restaurant] DANIEL: Promise me, not again MIYAGI: Promise. [raises hand] Garcon? [waiter comes] D: Don- M: [waves hand] Garcoff
@WilliamRodgers: *Reads about a Salmonella outbreak on lettuce -NEVER eats Salad again! *Reads about the dangers of Alcohol poisoning -NEVER reads again!
@toastymoe: Bad news: I got so busy drafting tweets, I forgot to pick the kids up at school. Worse news: I'm a bus driver