@Aspersioncast: What sort of tape measure does the guy from The Guinness Book of Records use to measure the worlds longest tape measure?
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@daemonic3: Alex: A ship that has sunk What is my relationship? Alex: No sorry tha- [glares at wife] I'll take YOU RUINED MY LIFE KAREN for $800 Alex
@burntmybagel: My chiropractor told me I have to stop using air quotes when I call him "doctor."
@jergarl: One time a giant spider crawled up my sleeve. Ironically, that's also the day I learned karate on a ladder.