@Aspersioncast: What sort of tape measure does the guy from The Guinness Book of Records use to measure the worlds longest tape measure?
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@QwertyJones3: Her: You don't have to cook me dinner, we can just go out. Me *tossing a jellyfish in the air like pizza dough* No it's fine I don't mind..
@kelkulus: If I were Obama, I'd totally lead with "My fellow Americans, the situation looks popeless." #SOTU
@sozjalltheway: Just spent a nice relaxing hour on facebook, writing "you Two look fantastic!!" on all weekend selfies with three girls or more in it.
@weirdralph: My son keeps running around naked, so I sprayed him with Windex. It's supposed to prevent streaking.