@sgothreau: What the hell Hollywood? I've never had to rub blood between my fingers to know that it's blood.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@CMHorrocks: These racing car drivers are making a lot of pit stops. You'd think they would have went before the race.
@JohnLyonTweets: [parent-teacher conference] Teacher: Which kid is yours? Me: I don't have kids. I just heard the teachers here are hot. T: M: How you doin'?
@LeBearGirdle: Nurse: Doctor this man needs an IV! Roman Empire doctor: OF WHAT? HE NEEDS 4 OF WHAT?!
@mydanimarie: 911 what's your emergency? I FARTED ON THE FIRST DATE. Ma'am we don't-- IT SOUNDED LIKE A BALLOON ANIMAL ASKING A QUESTION