@prontopup: What the hell is this REstraining Order?!? I never even got a Straining Order? I'm gonna go over to her house and sort this out.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@pizzajaynow: I've spent the last six months trying to find my Mother-In-Law's killer, but no one is willing to do it.
@Jandalize: I'm fearfully awaiting the day my alarm clock becomes self-aware and the snooze button hits me back.
@LuckoftheDraw86: Vodka giveth and vodka taketh away... It giveth me a hangover and taketh away my underpants. Amen.
@ilovepie84: "Jesus take the wheel" -an Asian man telling the police that a Mexican guy stole his rims off his Honda Civic.