@mrjohntofu: What the world needs is a self help movie, cause lets face it, most of us won't buy the book.
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@AristotlesNZ: Been rubbing this thing on my carpet for 2 hours and still nothing. How the hell do you recharge a smart car?
@Brentweets: I went to handshake someone and he basically just gripped my thumb and I'm never going to be popular
@KKAlThani: Kim and Kanye are now planning to have their wedding in Egypt. See Egyptians, things could always be worse.
@kashmir_lover1: According to my gym trainer, I need to cut back on drinking According to my bartender, I look great Moral of the story: I'm drunk