@AndyAsAdjective: What they don't tell you about bathing in the blood of your enemies is your body hair is a light magenta for like the next 3 or 4 days. Ugh.
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@Beerhaze: If I give up my seat for you on the bus, it's my right to stand in front of you and stare down your blouse. I think it's in the Bible.
@DistractedMomma: Turns out, telemarketers don't like it when 5 year olds answer the phone and tell them princess Ariel stories.
@WilliamRodgers: This guy at the bar wouldn't shut up about how Zombies "could be real" So I killed him... If he comes back...He wins the argument