@simoncholland: What was the deal with that dude wearing a tie and an apron at brunch? He kept writing down everything we said, he gave me the crepes.
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@Brianhopecomedy: In a marriage it's always a competition to see who can look busier, hence why I sighed and shook my head repeatedly while writing this.
@briangaar: Son your teacher called, she said you wrote "AQUAMAN RULZ" all over your math test. [sigh] First of all, Aquaman doesnt have any good powers
@whatmaddness: My middle school bus driver gave me a ziplock of venison and my mom cooked it and didn't ask any questions. I think about it a lot.
@TheRealRHB: I'm not saying I've let my house get filthy, but this is the second time I've caught my new Roomba trying to mail itself back to the factory