@koalaslament: I try and avoid picking up turtles on the side of the road. Just in case they're in the middle of a race.

@DanTaylorAuthor: Me: *gets in from fishing trip* Girlfriend: did you catch anything? Me: *sighs* just an old boot Girlfriend: okay, what's she called?

@LostCatDog: It's a comfort knowing Dad is looking down on me, but we should probably cut his hang-glider out of that tree one of these days.

@bobvulfov: turn-ons: • eye contact • people who pay attention to me • people who know how to push my buttons • oh god im a television • how did this h―

@Sickayduh: As a gift to my girlfriend, Tola, I tattooed her name on myself in the mirror and I think that says alot