@theshantilly: Whatever, low battery indicator. You're not the boss of
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@darksidedeb: I accidentally dropped one of my husband's Viagra into my contact solution and now I'm cockeyed.
@kimmie_1980: Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that Im typing this with my middle finger.
@NYC_Blonde: I enjoy April Fool's Day because I like responding to fake pregnancy announcement texts with "no wonder you've been looking chubby".
@SissiSay: Psychiatrists say girls tend to marry men like their fathers. That is probably the reason mothers cry at weddings.